Chaos chaos.

about

18.
I am a bag of bones, a total mess.
bulletproofyoursoul@hotmail.com

If everything could ever feel this real forever.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009 @ 6:24 PM

I seriously wish I could do this sometimes.

Is it so difficult to be accepted? To feel belonged? It bothers me that it erodes this easily. Maybe I didn't try hard enough, maybe...I was just blinded, refusing to see or listen. I don't have faith in it anymore, don't really put too much thought into it (or trying to).

Sometimes I wonder why people don't bother trying to find out the real story behind anything, instead just tell themselves that whatever's concocted in their head is just...real.

And sometimes, too much of a good thing scares me. I worry what would come after it all the time. It's like...I don't deserve it. I don't feel like I am worth it.

But yesterday, I felt wanted, needed, missed, truly loved by you. I wonder how can just one person make you feel all these? Four days without you felt like forever, as much as I tell you it doesn't affect me or how I told you It's just four days! Not a week!, in my heart I counted down to the end every single day, because then I know you would call or even leave a message. Told myself I won't cry, (and I didn't) because when I see you then, it'll be worth it. I really didn't want to go home. When you were telling me about the trip: about the place, the food, the people, what happened there, smiling and laughing in every tale, it felt so good to just listen.

Is it scary? A week plus more to 3rd.

I really like your new hat. (:

I'm rambling, haha. Suddenly a lot of things are crowding my head. A few more days to New Year's, and to school. As much as I love leaving behind 2009, I wonder what school has in store...

[edit]

And I realised something, I can't be bothered to do any assignments. Hmm..

[/edit]

It's like a ray of light.

Monday, December 28, 2009 @ 12:20 AM

This week has been very good.

Chatting with friends now, today was a fairly lazy day. Work was not bad, and the manager was freaking funny. Got home and both my siblings were asking me to guess who won Singapore Idol. Wasn't difficult, every single contest is the same anyway, meh.

Tomorrow: going to wake up early to do laundry, watch Avatar with family, go to the library and collect my book, slack and wait till 7p.m.

Was going through my desktop pictures and found this. (:

Happy birthday, Button!

Don't ever think you've wasted my time.

Sunday, December 27, 2009 @ 12:24 AM

Sometimes I feel very sad when I don't know what to say to a friend in need. I want to help so much, but I am just not sure if it's even useful, or what I should do or say to comfort them. I just hope they're okay, that they will talk to someone, and hope all the bad things will go away.

I really miss you today, looking forward to Monday's phone call, when I can finally hear your voice. Hope your day's been awesome with all the shopping and training. <3

Job hunting became something like a walk down memory lane. Awkwardness aside, it's a good day.

xoxo

Friday, December 25, 2009 @ 11:35 PM

Woke up damn early today, wanted to send dear off. Talked a bit, had lunch, met his friends and went off straight to work after that. Am damn tired right now, typing this and my eyes are going to close any moment. Tomorrow going to hunt for a job with a friend, don't know if it's going to pay off, but no harm trying, though, right? :D

: ]

Remember what I said? Be nice. Interesting is one thing, but well, it's just not going anywhere good anymore. No more bad attitude. No more doing funny funny things and have regrets later on. As much as I'm not close with the class anymore, I still don't want to see it torn apart because of things like these. It's a little heartbreaking. Your last sentence, you better.

Love you lots lots too, (no deep deep, lol) hope you're having a fun time there ... with all the guys ... in a room. D: Hahaha! Thanks for taking my nonsense too, especially when I change mood every hour. It's like dating ten different people, you like to say. I DON'T CARE IF YOU CAN FIND 3 MORE, that rule doesn't apply to you and even if it does and you do find more, I WILL PUNCH YOU THE MOMENT YOU GET BACK! I won't forget it, baby, I never do, but because you love saying the weirdest things and not mean it anyway, you'll get something much nicer than a punch when you're back. (By the way, your STM won't rub on me, I'm just too good. I just hope my very good memory would rub on you instead. ^^v )

Slowly, baby, things won't change so fast, one step at a time...I won't really shout at you, more like smack you while saying it. Right~

And do you actually have Internet? Still wondering, do not text me a lot okay, I don't want your bill to explode.

Hope you're okay, have fun shopping, good luck for the competition! I love you a lot a lot dear. Merry Christmas. ^^

Everlong.

Thursday, December 24, 2009 @ 1:05 AM

Today's a really really good day. Went over to Kembangan to meet the group members and friends, AVP filming though still not done yet, interesting things seen and heard (hahaha), met love after that.

Awesome day with awesome people, more tomorrow!

I really love spending the time with you, just chatting about the most random things. You're leaving in just a day more though, but I'm not worried. The male chicken has landed. I know, I say the stupidest things and you are irritating when you tease me about it endlessly but I'm not complaining. It is damn comforting to know that all these little little things make it all the more 'interesting'. This whole relationship feels good. You're always there to listen to my nonsense and I know, we'll be laughing about it in days to come. Biscuit. <3

Tuesday, December 22, 2009 @ 10:01 PM

Sometimes,

Saturday, December 19, 2009 @ 11:22 PM

it would be nice to feel wanted without me having to hint all the time.

On the other hand, perhaps I am just good at avoiding things I don't want to answer.

This is going to be random because I am bored and I am damn freaking lazy to do assignment. My term break starts on Monday, you see, the moment I hand up my work, I am going to...oh I don't know, but I do know I WANT TO WATCH ZOMBIELAND. I better catch it on Monday or I am going to bite someone's head off.

As you can see, I am pissed off at everyone. Don't ask why, don't know why either. I just don't feel like talking. My mum is talking... a lot. Pissed off at her the most. All I'm hearing is Blah, blah, blah.

I don't know what to do for term break really. Two weeks. I have no life so I guess...going to rot away lor. Hahaha. I sure do miss going out for dinners. ):

School yesterday was weird. School nowadays feels weird actually. Maybe it's my fault. Or maybe it's just me.

And sometimes I really pity Biscuit, he's the one who has to tolerate the times when I'm all quiet and "emo", as he puts it. I admit, I am like a little child - I can be up, I can be down and today, I am just quiet and thinking too much. For someone who claims he has very little patience, he sure does have a lot when it comes to my moods. Not complaining, just stating. Love you.

Bye.

Friday, December 18, 2009 @ 10:23 PM

"It kinda sucks realising that both of us are the only ones trying to meet up."

We should stop trying and move on maybe.

I saw my brother's results: it freaked me out, hahaha.

@ 6:28 PM

I really miss it.

took you a little farther away from me

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